April: Supporting Your Partner Through Perimenopause and Menopause: A Practical Guide for Men

There’s been a welcome surge in open conversations about menopause in recent years. The likes of Davina Mcall, Lorraine Kelly, Carol Vorderman and Mariella Frostrup to name a few, who have spoken out about how the symptoms women experience can be devastating and debilitating to a once ‘normal’ functioning woman.  

Women are sharing their experiences more honestly, and public awareness is growing. However, there seems to be an important piece which is often overlooked: how men can better understand what their partner is going through – and how to support both her and themselves during this transition.

Menopause isn’t just a “women’s issue.”  It’s a relationship experience, a family experience, and for many couples, a time that requires patience, learning, and teamwork.

At its core, this can be seen as an opportunity – one that builds on the strengths already within your relationship. A chance to strengthen communication, deepen trust, and adapt together through a new phase of life. By continuing to show up with care and understanding, you can support her experience while also growing together as a couple.

It’s about recognising that what she is experiencing is not just physical, but psychological and emotional too – and that it may fluctuate daily, or even hourly.

It means being willing to stay curious rather than judgmental. To ask questions instead of making assumptions. To notice patterns, triggers, and changes without immediately trying to correct or control them.

It’s also about shifting from a mindset of “how do I fix this?” to “how can I support her through this?”- because menopause is not a problem to be solved, but a phase to be understood and navigated together.

At times, it may feel as though the relationship has quietly shifted. Small, subtle changes become more noticeable, and the ease of closeness you once shared doesn’t feel quite the same. It’s not simply about sex – it’s about the everyday intimacy too. The ease of a lingering hug, a natural closeness, the small moments of connection that may now feel more distant than they once did.

By taking proactive steps to understand what actually happens, men can better make sense of the changes they may see, respond with greater empathy and confidence, and feel more equipped to support their partner – starting with a clearer understanding of what she’s going through.

Understanding What She’s Going Through

Perimenopause can begin years before menopause (often in a woman’s 40s, sometimes earlier), and symptoms can vary widely. Menopause itself is officially reached after 12 consecutive months without a period.

Common symptoms include:

• Hot flushes and night sweats
• Mood changes (anxiety, irritability, low mood)
• Sleep disruption and fatigue
• Brain fog or memory lapses
• Reduced libido
• Physical changes (weight distribution, joint aches)

This is only a small list; there are a lot more symptoms that your partner may be experiencing too.  Also, these aren’t minor inconveniences – they’re driven by significant hormonal shifts, particularly declining oestrogen levels. For many women, it can feel like their body and mind are no longer predictable or familiar.

Why This Can Be Challenging for Men

Many men report feeling:

• Confused by sudden changes in mood or behaviour
• Rejected due to changes in intimacy
• Unsure how to help without “making things worse”
• Frustrated by a lack of clear guidance

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone – and you’re not failing. You simply haven’t been taught what this phase involves and the changes it can have on your relationship.

Practical Ways to Support Your Partner

1. Listen Without Fixing

Your instinct may be to solve the problem. But often, your partner needs to feel heard rather than “fixed.”

• Ask: “Would it be helpful to talk about it, I’m happy to just listen?”
• Validate her feelings instead of minimising them

2. Educate Yourself

Take time to understand menopause from reliable sources.

• Learn what symptoms are common
• Understand that fluctuations (not consistency) are normal
• Recognise that this phase can last several years

This alone can reduce misunderstandings dramatically.  

3. Be Patient with Mood Changes

Mood swings are often hormonal, not personal.

• Don’t take irritability as a direct attack – even though it may feel like it
• Give space when needed – but stay emotionally available
• Avoid escalating arguments unnecessarily

Consistency and calmness go a long way to a woman who is struggling with symptoms.

4. Support Healthy Habits Together

Lifestyle changes can make a big difference.

• Encourage regular exercise (walks together are great)
• Support better sleep routines
• Reduce alcohol and caffeine where possible

Make it a shared effort rather than something she has to do alone.

5. Keep Communication Open About Intimacy

Changes in libido or comfort during sex are common.

• Approach the topic gently and without pressure
• Focus on connection, not just sex
• Be open to adapting intimacy – it doesn’t have to look the same

Patience here builds trust rather than distance.

6. Encourage Professional Support

If symptoms are severe, encourage her to seek help.

• GP consultations
• Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) discussions with a menopause practitioner
• Therapy or menopause specialists

Offer to attend appointments if she wants support.

Taking Care of Yourself as a Man

Supporting someone else is easier when you’re also looking after yourself.

1. Acknowledge Your Own Feelings

You may feel:

• Confused
• Powerless
• Rejected
• Stressed
• Helpless

These feelings are valid.  Ignoring them can lead to resentment.

2. Don’t Personalise Everything

Not every emotional shift is about you or the relationship.

Learning to separate hormonal changes from relationship issues is crucial.  Remember this is just a phase you are both navigating, it is not a permanent ‘state’ of your relationship.

3. Find Your Own Support System

Talk to:

• Trusted friends
• Support groups
• A therapist or coach

You don’t have to figure this out alone.

4. Manage Stress Proactively

This phase can be demanding.

• Exercise regularly
• Maintain hobbies and interests
• Prioritise sleep – creating a better sleep pattern together can bring you closer

You’ll show up better for your partner when you’re balanced.

5. Be Open to Growth

This period can actually strengthen your relationship.

Men who lean into empathy, communication, and patience often report:

• Deeper emotional connection
• Greater mutual respect
• Stronger long-term partnership

Final Thoughts

Menopause isn’t a problem to solve – it’s a transition to navigate together.

The most powerful things you can offer are:

• Understanding
• Patience
• Consistency
• Willingness to learn

You don’t need to have all the answers.  Showing up, staying curious, and being supportive already puts you ahead of the curve.

And remember: this phase doesn’t last forever -but the way you handle it can shape your relationship for years to come.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/menopause/ is a great place to start your understanding about Perimenopause or Menopause today!