How to Do Christmas (Without Losing Yourself) -

The holiday season can stir up a lot of different feelings. For some, it’s a time of connection, joy, and celebration — but for many people I speak with, it’s also a time of stress, pressure, and reflection. You might find yourself missing someone, feeling stretched too thin, navigating tricky family dynamics, or simply not feeling “in the spirit” this year. And that’s okay.

It’s easy to feel like everyone else is having the perfect Christmas, but the truth is, lots of people are quietly finding it hard too. You’re not doing anything wrong if this season feels complicated. You’re human — and the holidays tend to bring out all of our human feelings at once.

This blog is a gentle reminder that you don’t have to “do” Christmas the way others expect. You can take care of yourself, set boundaries, and create a version of the holidays that feels peaceful and true to where you are right now.

Here are a few thoughts and ideas to help you navigate this time of year with more ease and self-compassion.

You Don’t Have to Feel Merry All the Time

There’s this idea that Christmas should be constant joy, but real life doesn’t work that way. It’s okay if you’re not feeling “festive.” It’s okay if you feel sad, lonely, tired, or overwhelmed.

You can still have meaningful moments, even if they don’t look picture-perfect. Sometimes the most peaceful Christmases are the quiet, simple ones.

Make Space for All Your Feelings

Maybe you’re missing someone. Maybe this year looks different. Maybe you’re holding both gratitude and grief.

Try letting yourself feel what’s true — without judgment. Emotions tend to pass more easily when we make room for them instead of pushing them away.

You might light a candle, journal, take a walk, or just sit quietly and acknowledge: “This is a tender time, and that’s okay.”

Boundaries Are a Gift too

If family gatherings leave you feeling drained, it’s okay to set limits. You’re allowed to say no, leave early, or skip an event altogether.

You don’t have to explain or apologise for taking care of yourself.

Try saying something like:

“Thanks for the invite, but I’m keeping things quiet this year.”
“I’d love to see you — can we do something smaller instead?”

Boundaries aren’t selfish; they’re a form of self-respect.

Take the Pressure Off

Christmas doesn’t have to be expensive or extravagant. The best parts — connection, laughter, rest — are free.

If money is tight, remember thoughtful doesn’t have to mean costly. A handwritten note, a homemade treat, or simply showing up with kindness can mean far more than a gift with a price tag.

Also, try to keep social media in perspective. Those picture-perfect posts rarely tell the full story.

Create Your Own Traditions

If the usual Christmas routine doesn’t fit, try something new, make your own version.

Some ideas:

Watch your favourite movie, order your favourite food or do what many people prefer and have ‘picky bits’
Spend the day outside, in nature walking and breathing in the fresh air
Cook something just for you, put the radio on and dance around the kitchen whilst cooking
Volunteer your time or donate to a cause that really matters to you
Celebrate with friends who are like family, laughter is a great tonic for boosting our mood

There’s no “right” way to do Christmas — only what feels right for you.

If You’re Struggling, Reach Out

If this season brings up loneliness, grief, or painful memories, please don’t suffer through it alone. Talk to someone you trust — a friend, family member, co-worker or a therapist.

Even a short chat can help you feel grounded and less alone.

Take Time to Rest and Reflect

The end of the year can be a natural pause — a time to slow down and notice what you’ve made it through.

You might ask yourself:

“What am I proud of from this year?”
“What do I want to leave behind?”
“What do I want more of next year?”

You don’t need to make big New Year resolutions — just gentle intentions.

A Final Thought

Christmas doesn’t have to be perfect. It doesn’t even have to be “merry.” It just needs to be honest — something that feels kind and true to you.

Whatever this season looks like for you, may it include moments of peace, rest, and self-compassion.

Who to contact if it all becomes too overwhelming: –

Samaritans – 116 123

NHS 111 England – Dial 111, select option 2 to access a 24/7 helpline.