September: Is This It? When Retirement Feels More Frightening Than Freedom

There was a time when retirement seemed so far off that it hardly felt real. It belonged to somebody else.  Somebody older.  Somebody whose working life was almost behind them.  Then, almost without noticing, it starts to feel a little closer.  It’s starting to feel very real.

Perhaps you’ve found yourself wondering what those years might actually look like.  Not just financially, but emotionally.  You might even have caught yourself asking a question that feels slightly uncomfortable to admit – Is this it?  Not in a negative way.  In a quieter more curious way.  Is this what my life is going to become?

For many people, retirement has been painted as a reward after decades of hard work. A slower pace.  More holidays.  More time for coffee with friends, afternoons in the garden, bowling clubs, walking groups and book clubs.  And whilst there’s absolutely nothing wrong with any of those things, perhaps there’s a part of you that wonders whether they’re enough.  Because maybe what you’re really asking isn’t, What will I do?

Perhaps you’re really asking… Who will I be?

For years our lives have often been shaped around work.  Whether we’ve loved our career or simply tolerated it, work has quietly provided structure.  We know what day it is because of meetings.  We know where we’re going because the diary tells us.  We know who we are because somebody needs us.   Without realising it, our identity can become woven into what we do.

“I’m a teacher.”  “I’m an engineer.”  “I’m a counsellor.”  “I’m a nurse.”  “I’m a business owner.”  We introduce ourselves through our occupation long before we tell people about what lights us up inside.  So, when retirement begins to appear on the horizon, it isn’t always the practical questions that feel the biggest.  It’s the invisible ones.

Who am I when nobody needs me at work tomorrow morning?  What gives my week meaning?  What happens if I lose the routine I’ve followed for forty years?  Those questions can feel unsettling because they touch something much deeper than retirement itself.  They touch your identity.  I wonder if that’s why some people retire and seem to flourish almost immediately, whilst others feel unexpectedly lost.  From the outside their lives may look very similar.  Both have free time.  Both have financial security.  Both have supportive families.  Yet one discovers freedom.  The other experiences emptiness.  The difference isn’t usually in the calendar.  It’s often in the relationship they have with themselves.

For so many years we’ve been conditioned to believe that productivity equals worth.  Being busy becomes something we’re proud of.  We fill our diaries.  We solve problems. We achieve goals.  We become reliable.  We become needed.  We can’t confirm plans without checking our diary.  Life is full.

Then one day, all of that changes.  Time spent working and contributing to a pension pot that felt like light years away, when suddenly retirement becomes a reality.   No wonder retirement can feel unnerving.  Not because we don’t know what to do with our time.  Because we’re no longer sure who we are without constantly ‘doing life’.  

But what if retirement isn’t asking us to stop living.  What if, it’s inviting us to begin living differently.  Maybe this chapter of life isn’t about slowing down because life is over.  Maybe it’s about finally having the freedom to choose how life feels.  Maybe it’s time to put the dreams you’ve had, which have been quietly waited in the background for decades, into action.  Books you’ve wanted to write.  Places you’ve longed to visit.  Skills you’ve always meant to learn.  Causes you care deeply about.  Maybe its volunteering, mentoring, being creative, walking or learning another language.  Maybe you put off starting a small business, but now there is time to actually put your ideas into action.  Maybe now you have time to support and enjoy your grandchildren.  Or perhaps simply becoming someone who notices the changing seasons without constantly wondering what comes next.  None of those things need to earn money.  None of them need to impress anyone else.  They simply need to matter to you.

I’ve often wondered whether retirement is less about reaching the end of a career and more about returning to parts of ourselves that became quieter whilst we were busy building a life.  The curious person.  The creative person.  The adventurous person.  The playful person.  The peaceful person.  Perhaps they’ve been there all along, patiently waiting for a little more space.

Nature seems to understand this better than we do.  As autumn begins to arrive, the trees don’t cling desperately to every leaf.  They let go because another season is beginning.  Not because life is ending.  I think there’s something reassuring about that.  Autumn isn’t empty.  It’s simply different.  Autumn is full of vibrant colours, perhaps retirement is much the same.  Not the closing chapter.  Just the beginning of one that looks unlike anything you’ve experienced before.

If retirement feels closer than it once did, maybe instead of asking yourself, “What am I going to do with all that time”?    You could ask a different question – Who have I always wanted to become when I finally had the time to choose?

I wonder if that question feels less frightening.  Less daunting and perhaps even a little exciting.  Because maybe retirement isn’t about filling your days.  Retirement could be about filling your life.  And maybe your richest years aren’t the ones behind you at all.  Maybe that’s yet to come!